and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
