he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
