So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
