She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
