Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
