I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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