I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
