just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
