32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
