I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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