just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize