grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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