i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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