her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
