Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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