Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
