dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
