Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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