I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
