...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
