i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
