my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He passed out mid-signature
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
