Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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