is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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