I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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