so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
