just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
