Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
