she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
