Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
