foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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