I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
