WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
