I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
