So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize