This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
