if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
