I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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