Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
