If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize