and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
