Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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