Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
