I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
