You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
