i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
