First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
