people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
