Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
