well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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