Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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