Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
