I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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