why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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