I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Sober January is a disaster.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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