Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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