i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
