Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
