we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
