Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize