6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
