I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
