there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
