if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
