and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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