Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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