Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
