I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You are a booty call, not a friend.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
