I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
