Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
