I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
