Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
