Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
