they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
We named our party play list daddy issues
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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