So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
