I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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