guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
