thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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