You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
