I think I won the penis lottery.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
