Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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