i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
