Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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