okay pat passed out under dana's car
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
