you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
