it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
