you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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