I bet he comes in French.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize