Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
