I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
