I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
