Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
