I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
