I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize