I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
