it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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