I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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