Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
