I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
