Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
