While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
where am i from again
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
