yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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