what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize