Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
