Who did Billy Mays play for?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
